I want to take your picture.

DSC_4047_2
Originally uploaded by JenJenSue

A friend asked me to take pictures of her daughters for their Christmas cards this year. I've never really done any sort of professional photo shoot type of thing before. I think I've honestly felt intimidated. It's scary! Someone asks you to capture the memories of their family and loved ones and make them look amazing? It's a helluva lot of pressure. I'm sure I put most of that on myself, but come on, still...

Anywho, she got Chloe and Sophia all dolled and up had a perfect spot in mind to take the pictures. Me, trying to sound all professional said that we should wait until just before sunset to catch the best lighting. I've heard real photographers say that before, I'm good at acting all professional. They were right too, that lighting makes all the difference in the world!

We had a blast down by the tracks, my favorite picture is here, the one that "didn't turn out". I love how Chloe is trying to give us her best smile, and Sophia is yelling at us that she's cold, with her hands so adorably clasped in front of her. The pictures from that day turned out awesome, I and their mother were very pleased, but really, look at the subjects I had to work with, how could I not make them look adorable?

It made me want more, like a shot of whiskey to an dry alcoholic, it made me crave more! Honestly I think everyone craves some sort of "creation" in their lives. Some people write poetry, or paint pictures, or create lots of babies for me to take pictures of... I just know if felt pretty cool to create something that other people appreciate. Who knows, maybe one day I'll actually collect a buck or two from this, but if I never do, I'll still be happy to make other people's children, and my own Harvey dog look good.

PS - Click on the picture to get to the link of the one's that "did turn out".

Holy Shit.

I love scary movies. I always have. The reason I love them, is because sometimes they really scare me, and the feeling of being scared is kinda fun. Kinda, sometimes.

Since it's awesome October, it's the season for scary movies. I've been watching a ton of them. John's a huge fan of them, so he's been getting me up to speed on many that I've missed. When we watch them together, it's fun, the being scared part. Cause I get this big strong man to hang on to me, hold my hand and cover my eyes when I need him too. Watching them at home, all alone, on a dark windy night is a completely different story.

My dear friend Adrianna recommened I see "The Exorcism of Emily Rose". Okay, maybe she didn't recommend it, but she did say that it scared her, so I decided to check it out. Alone. On a dark windy night. All by myself alone.

So here I am. In my condo, feeling a little spooked out by the movie, but not slasher movie scared, but just creeped. I'm about half way through the movie and at the point where I'm jumpy. Yes, the wind outside or the sound of my neighbors walking around is causing me to suspect demons, not 64 year old women nextdoor.

And then I get up to make myself a snack, or a cup of tea or something. I can still see my TV from the kitchen, and as I watch I realize that the woman in the movie is also alone at home and in her kitchen at night. I also realize that we have the same glasses and that we are doing pretty much the same things. She has a demon in her house, and her power stops working. Then my DVD stops working. Holy shit.

Yeah. Um, I got pretty damn freaked out at that point. I though about getting in my car and driving right over to John's house, but then realized that's just what the scary movies want me to do. Go to my scary garage, drive out into the windy night and run out of gas along the way or have the demon attack me in the car on a dark deserted road or something. No, I wasn't going to be that horror movie chick.

Instead I turned on Bridget Jones to clear my head and slept with a loaded .22 within reach. Cause demons totally die when you shoot them and what demon will attack when you combine Colin Firth and Huge Grant in a charming British film? I dare them.

I tried the DVD in the morning while I was riding my exercise bike. It was just horribly scratched. By the claws of what, I guess we'll never know... Ah hah hah hah!!!!

Margaritas, Elephants, Monsters and Storms.

I love this time of the year. There's something about the air turning cooler, the leaves lighting up with the colors of fire and then falling down gently from the trees to create blankets of yellow and orange on the streets and the sidewalks. Crunchy yellow blankets. I love it.

This weekend was just one of those perfect cozy, wonderful weekends. Friday night I had a fantastic night with the girls. We ate bad for us food, drank margaritas and watched Mama Mia. Twice. Once we figured out that we weren't on sing-a-long mode on the DVD 1/2 way through the movie, we had to go back after it was over and sing those song we didn't know the words too. I mean, come on! That and we had to watch the part with the boys in small swim suits and flippers at least 5 more times as I squeeled with delight. Literally. Ask them.

Saturday Nat, Harvey and I went and hiked "Elephant Rock" in Bountiful. Otherwise known as the Mueller Park Trail, but us Bountiful natives know it's true name. I hadn't done that hike in years and it was excellent. It helped me work off the maragita fog I was still in and the colors were amazing! The trees cause me to stop at multiple points and just stare at them. I learned to stop after trying to look at them and walk at the same time. It's impossible.

Saturday night John and I curled up with movies and stayed in. I love weekend nights in. We snuggled up and ate halloween candy and watched LOST. I've seen it all, but he's just catching the bug. I love that show. Sunday morning John went and bought all the fixin's for a great french toast breakfast as I slept in until 11am. What a kick ass boyfriend I have!! We ended up staying in all day, going to the grocery store for dinner fixin's and buying pumpkins for carvin! It was his idea, and it was so much fun. I haven't done that in years. We watched "Carrie" as we carved and drank from creepy skull cups I bought at Smiths' for .89 cents.

All in all it was a cozy happy weekend. As we tried to ignore the alarm going off at 6 am this morning we heard the thunder and the rain and saw the lightening. It only lasted for 10 minutes, but just lended that perfect topping to the weekend. Mmmm.... I love October. Does it really have to end?

We conquered.

Last weekend my NY'er and I headed south for a weekend of fun in Utah's Dixie! Yes, Dixie, it fits if you meet some of the locals.

It was an amazing weekend, full of sun, rednecks, polygamists, ghost towns, good food and hiking (the NY'er started to question his choice in a girlfriend as I dragged him up switchback after switchback in the 100 degree desert sun).

I've been to this part of Utah countless times and each time I'm filled with a sense of belonging there. I don't know what it is about those awesome Southern Utah mountains, red dirt and green trees, but I can't get enough of it. I guess I'm just a wild west desert lovin' girl. This trip was even better though, because the NY'er had never been here. I've talked it up like crazy, but it more than lived up to my talk. He was in awe. We literally ran out of time to do everything we wanted to, the sign of an excellent vacation.

As always Zion's was magical, but this time full of Big Horn Sheep to hike with. The ghost town of Grafton was wonderfully creepy, Cafe Rio is open on Sunday, Polygamists hang out at Maverick, and tourists are as always entertaining as hell. Mmm...it's hard to be back, but good to know it's still as kick ass as always in my favorite part of the Beehave State.

Red Rock Cherry

I'm going back to the desert tomorrow. Back to my Zion. I love my Zion more than I love any other place ever. Period. Nothing will top the feeling I get of seeing those awesome red rock cliffs and getting sweaty as I climb up Angel's Landing's steep stairs carved into the rock or summitting the East Rim at the top of Observation Point and walking into a forest, A FOREST at the top of the desert! Seriously, how fucking cool is that? I've done this more times than I can count, and I still get excited. But this time I get to take the NY'er. He's never been. I LOVE taking people that have never been. I'm gonna pop his Zion's cherry, and he's going to like it. :)

I think I'm turning into a redneck.

I bought a bow this weekend. The kind you shoot arrows with, not the kind you wear in your hair. I remember shooting a bow and arrow at girls camp when I was 13 and thinking it was cool, and also thinking I was good at it. I also remember thinking that the chick who taught us to shoot them wore too much camo for one person, especially a woman person.

My NY'er is to blame. He shoots arrows, and he makes it look sexy (of course I think anything he does is sexy). He shoots arrows, shoots guns and has all these accessories for that kind of stuff. He also wears camo, but he's a boy, and he doesn't over d0 it.

In the last 3 months I have become the proud owner of my very own sexy hand gun and cool bow with a big black case with deer on it and lots of arrows (which are camo printed). I can't speak the lingo, I call the ends the pointy things and the other ends the clippy things, and I can't speak gun speak yet. But I have to admit that I like this stuff.

Sunday the NY'er and I went to the mountains in his green jeep with 2 guns, 2 bows, and 1 slingshoot and 3 cases of Wal Mart soda to shoot stuff at. I had a blast, and was so excited when I could finally pull the stringy thing back on the bow and actually shoot the arrow. (it's way harder than it looks ladies) I was also totally excited when I put 7 of 8 shots from my gun in the paper plate I was aiming at. That's some good shootin.

I doubt you'll see me sporting any camo pants any time soon, but I do admit that I enjoy these things. I have no desire to kill anything other than Wal Mart soda cans or paper plates, and I believe it will stay this way. But hell, yee haw and howdy ho, I'm having a good time.

Why?

Why is it that when I'm PMS'ing all I want to do is eat sugar and pick fights with my boyfriend? Why do I assume that he wants to be with every other woman in the world but me? Why do I want to fill my bathtub full of sugar and brownies and whip cream from the can and literally binge my way out of it?

Can't I just take my uterus out until I'm ready to use it?

Dad

Why does that happen? What is the trigger? I’m out for a nice evening walk with my dog, happily thinking about how things have been so calm and wonderful and peaceful lately and BAM! I see a man shooting hoops in his driveway and 5 minutes later I’m crying.

The man shooting hoops in his driveway was totally the trigger. Why? He looked just like my Dad, a younger, healthier version, but it was him. The Dad I remember when I was about 11 years old. The one that would chase me around the front yard while I was laughing, thinking that the sight of my Dad just running alone was hilarious. I started missing him. After almost 10 years of him being gone, you still miss them, but you learn to live with it. You never get over it, but you learn to not think about it every single day anymore, you learn to remember him without feeling so sad, but you can remember him with a fondness and a warm wonderful feeling or sweet memories. Every once in a while though, you let the pain back in and you just miss them.

Last night as I walked and thought about him, I found myself wishing so much that I could just sit down and talk to him again. I would ask him what were his greatest moments in his life? What were his regrets? What brought him the most joy? What advice he’d offer me now, knowing what he knows about it all.

Since leaving the church 8 years ago, it leaves me to formulate my own opinions about what happens to us when we leave this world. It used to be so easy, it was all mapped out for me, 3 degrees of glory and all. Now, a lot of that has all fallen apart, and I have been asked by some family members what I believe now, and the answer is probably what a lot of people think, “I don’t know”. I just don’t, but I hate the thought like I've heard in some Mormon doctorine that they are too busy doing the work, and they are needed somewhere else, or happier somewhere else (words of "encouragement" like that just proved to completely piss me off at the time it happened)... I like to think of them still here. I like to think of my Dad occasionally with me, when I find myself in those moments when life forces me to my knees, pleading for help, or driving home with tears streaming down my face and me simply asking “why?”. I like to think of him there, just with his arms wrapped around me, not saying anything grand, but just loving me. Sometimes, most times, that’s all we need is just to know that there is love there.

Dad and I had a different relationship than the rest of my siblings. We just got each other. He was always at odds with my brother as he woke him up early on Saturday’s to mow the lawn, because that’s what men did. He was always very protective of my 2 other sisters, babying them and standing up for them. But with me, he just sort of let me free knowing that I would be okay. It was like an unspoken trust and appreciation. He also just let me know in his way that he was excited to see what I’d come up with, all on my own. I like to think he’s watching now, it breaks my heart that he won't be there to see me have children, raise a family. It's a heart ache I will always have, but again, I've learned to live with.

Last Sunday my sister and I were at my Mom's house and we got talking about him. My sweet niece Annie who is almost 4, started asking questions about "our Dad that died". She was so sweet, and at one point just turned to me and said in her sweet 4 year old way, "I'm really sorry that your Dad died Jen." I think that was the best condolance anyone has ever given me about the situation, and it happened almost 10 years later. It was just so sweet and so sincere. I'm sorry too Annie.

And a creepy bunny.

I love thrift stores. Not all the time, but when the mood strikes me, I literally walk around the isles of junk with a big happy grin on my face, covertly boogying to the late 70's tunes playing on the loudspeaker. Tonight I decided I have waaaay too many old, out of style clothes that do not fit me anymore in my closet. I felt the need to purge my throwbacks to 1992 mormon fashion and donate it back to that church that brought out the puffy sleeved floral dresses with doily collars (yes, I wore it). I took 8 boxes of clothes to the good ole' Deseret Industries. Or as us cool kids like to call it, the D.I.

Not only did it feel great to get rid of all that old clothing, to make room for new clothes - from this decade, but it also gave me a great excuse to shop there. As I was cleaning my closet I made myself a pact that I would no longer buy clothing from them, unless it was for costume or camping purposes. Seeing as how I donated back almost all of the fashionable goods I bought there on my last trip.

In this shopping trip, I found myself, as always, entranced by the book, nic nac, and kitchenware departments. I spent the majority of my time in the book section and learned 3 things.

a: People don't donate the classics. They keep them on their bookshelves to look pretentious and smart. (I know because I do it too)

b: People donate lots and lots of self help books. See point A. No one wants "A Woman Approaching an Emotional Breakdown" visible in her reading material on the first fateful night she invites the man in for 'coffee' (translation - she wants to get some).

c: There are treasures among these books, if you have a sense of humor and are willing to crouch on the dirty floor with your neck cranked sideways to read all the titles. I found a 1962 copy of "The Art of Homemaking" published by Deseret Book. You can be damn sure you'll be seeing awesome upcoming posts from that gem. And I'm hoping it might shed light on why LDS women tend to end up so f*cked up sometimes. I'm excited to read.

Along with a stack of 12 wonderful books, I also found a gigantic green pitcher for $2, a purple and blue piggy bank (which the cashier complimented me on having such great taste for picking out) and to top it all off, a seriously creepy looking pink ceramin bunny. All for $18 and a much cleaner and more organized closet. A very excellent evening.

Next week I'm driving to Mom's house to donate the wedding dress. It's high time. Hopefully it brings the next bride a lot more luck.

Gettin' Down!

After all the saddness yesterday, I felt the need to do something nice for my man. And what does a man appreciate more than a woman getting down in the kitchen and making him an excellent meal of meat and potatoes?

Now my man can cook. I mean he can really, really cook. He makes this pizza that literally makes me salivate just thinking about it, and he's from NY, so he knows his pizza. I have tried to cook him little things here and there. They usually come from a mix, a can, or the frozen foods section. It's not that I can't cook, it's just that I don't. I've been telling him that for over a year, and last weekend he said he was starting to doubt me.

I found a recipe on allrecipes.com, an excellent site for Chicken Cordon Bleu, with a white wine cream sauce. It seemed daunting with the white wine sauce, but it also sounded tasty and fancy, and just the ticket.

I printed off the recipes, made my grocery list and off I went. I was feeling sort of overwhelmed at the grocery store, wondering "can I really pull this off?" I'd talked it up so much, that I had to perform. It was a success. I felt all bad ass in the kitchen with my great-grandma's pink apron on and making a big mess of flour, oil, chicken, cheese, and olive oil. But ooh, it was yummy!!

John showed up at the perfect moment as I was pulling the chicken out of the pan, and starting to make the sauce. I was in full cook mode, and I was on it! The sweet man brought me a dozen roses, then proceeded to watch in awe as his girlfriend of 14 months did something he'd never witnessed before, and was starting to think not possible.

The meal was a great success, topped off with garlic red mashed potatoes and french cut green beans. He said he'd keep me. (he would've anyway, I am pretty sure)

Don't read this if you don't feel like crying.

http://itotallyforgotyougohere.blogspot.com/

I don't know this girl, but after reading her blog, I feel like I do. I had actually looked at this a while ago, on one of those bored days at work where you needed something, anything to pass the time. I hadn't looked at it in a while, but today I revisited it, and my heart broke. She's a friend of a good friend (Adrianna), but I can't help but see myself in her.

She's had a year much like the year I had in 2007-2008. I think I remember originally reading this and feeling like I was a year or so ahead of her, and knowing that she would not only make it through the pain and loneliness and heart-ache that a divorce can bring, but that she would find strength and happiness and joy that she had never imagined. I read a few of her posts at the time and remember having the exact same experiences that she did, and feeling the same emotions she was unselfishly sharing with us all. I admired her and knew that she had so much joy ahead of her, once she made it through the crap of it all.

As I read back on past posts that I'd missed today I see that we've had a lot in common, it makes me sad I didn't follow her closer and maybe even become her friend. But today's posts just broke my heart to pieces. I was just thinking this weekend how happy I am. How far I've come. I have been through a lot of pain and heartache too in the last year or so, but I've learned so much and feel like I can finally let myself enjoy my progress, let that wonderful man love me, and not be afraid to be with him, to fully and completely be with him.

I think she had just gotten to that point too, and he was taken from her. My heart breaks into a million pieces when I think about that happening to the wonderful man that I love. It breaks to the point where I want to run to him at this moment and handcuff him to myself and never let him leave my side again. I let the thought of something tragic happening to him enter my head as he flew to NY last week, but brushed it aside quickly, not wanting to even go there.

Kirsten is there. I know there is nothing in this world that can make her feel better, nothing other than having him back, which cannot be. My heart just breaks.

Stolen From Adri

What is your current obsession? John. Yes, I broke up with him, then 2 months later begged for him back. He took me back. Since we’ve been back, all the hesitation from before is completely gone, and has been replaced with a (self defined) healthy amount of obsession for the man.
What do you hate the most that everybody else seems to love? The hipster scene. Maybe it’s my lack of hip that causes me to lash out at this group, but I can’t deny it, I hate it. Like all fads, the so named “cool-unaffected” group is the most affected of all. I really have a hard time being in Sugarhouse for longer than a few hours before I want to smear bacon grease on all the gauged eared vegan hipster-fucko’s.
What are you wearing today? Jeans, polo shirt and Birkenstocks. I’m comfy, that’s all I was going for.
What's for dinner? Tomato and Mayo samich and asain cabbage salad. I’ve been instructed to eat all the tomatoes that John left me from his garden, there’s a lot of them. I’m doing my bestest.
What would you eat for your last meal? Cheese and crackers - white sharp cheddar from VT and the nummy triscuits that I can’t remember the flavor of right now.
What's the last thing you bought? A fan for my living room and Mikes Hard Pomegranate Lemonade (my new favorite summer treat).
What are you listening to right now? Pandora radio, right now Alison Kraus is playing, I likes her, she makes me want to learn to fiddle and move to the Appalachians.
What do you think of the person that tagged you? Haha, no one tagged me, I took this on myself. The boss is out and I’m extremely low on motivation. But I did steal it from Adrianna, and I think she's pretty awesome.
If you could have a house, fully paid for, and totally furnished anywhere in the world, where would it be? Right now? Ireland, on the coast by the village of Killarney, but it would be a cottage and would be furnished with sheeps.
What is one of your hobbies? Photography, although I don’t do nearly enough with it and I need to learn to edit my pictures better.
What are 3 things that annoy you most?
-Grumpy co-workers that pound on their desks when they are angry. Relax!
-Produce that turns slimy too quickly in my fridge.
-The girl that stocks our break room at work, because she never remembers the green tea, but always remembers the nasty apple cinnamon tea. Eew.
What is your favorite color? I own lots of red and orange things, I’m attracted to warm colors.
What is your favorite piece of clothing in your wardrobe? My new Yellowstone hoodie with the Buffalo on it. I’m sad it’s way too hot to wear it.
What is your dream job? Sheep herder in Ireland.
Describe your personal style. Haha, me? Stylish? I just try to be comfy and not look like too much of a slouch.
What are you going to do after this? My job… maybe.
What is your favorite "happy hour" at Sonic? I’ve never been to a happy hour at Sonic, or even to a Sonic that I can remember. But I saw on their commercials that they have Cherry Limeade. That sounds nice.
What inspires you? Nature, people that are true to themselves, children, bluegrass music.
Who was the last person you kissed? Harvey – he’s a person in my book.
What are you currently reading? Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and No Man Knows My History.
What delighted you most today? A voicemail from John, I was sad I missed the call, but very happy to hear his voice. He’s in NY and hasn’t had cell coverage for the last 2 days. I’ve been sort of a crazy obsessed woman. (see question 1)
By what criteria do you judge a person? If they are down to earth or not. Fake, pretentious, and self-righteous people turn me off quick. I don’t care who you are, as long as you are genuine.

Zion's

I love Zion's National Park. I have been going there ever since I was a kid and I still get as excited now as I did when I was 7. I don't know what it is about that place, but it resonates with me. It's so beautiful and majestic there, and you can get to the top of the awesome mountains in a few hours and it only costs you some sweat and sunburning.

I went by myself Memorial Day weekend. I splurged last minute on a fancy hotel room and was happy I did. I felt fancy sleeping sideways in my big king size bed. Other than few polite "hello's" on the trail, and check in calls with my mother, I didn't speak to anyone. I found it lonely a few times, but overall it gave me a chance to relax, reflect and just enjoy myself.

I found a secret "Petrogylph Canyon" that the rangers will only tell you where it is if they deem you worthy. I was found worthy, and it was so cool! The whole trip was a blast, but it was also very nice to get home to my little townhouse and my little mutt.

Another nice thing about hiking alone is you can stop and take all the pictures you want. This makes a photo nerd like me happy. But I did notice that photo nerd boys hike with supermodel looking women and photo nerd women hike alone.

Harvey

DSC_2257
Originally uploaded by JenJenSue

I love my dog. If you know me, you know I'm one of those weird dog people. I can't help it.

In my newly found single state, I have found myself more and more happy to have a Harvey. Being alone, is well... lonely. Not all the time, but having a little 8 pound mutt to sit on your lap, lick your face, and go on endless walks, hikes and runs with you is priceless and always helps.

Yes, I realize I've become "one of those people". One of those crazy dog loving people. Especially since my dog happens to be one of those tiny "accessory" type dogs. He's not, not completely. I don't bring him with me to stores in fancy purses, he does not wear jewelry and we have no matching outfits. He does have one t-shirt, but he hardly ever wears it.

I think everyone should be so lucky to have such a loyal friend in their life.

I'm now older.

I had a birthday party on Easter with my family. I was in charge of bringing the cake. I was totally okay with bringing my own birthday cake, and had grand plans to bake something amazing, then I realized my oven was broken and I couldn't make anything that wasn't burned or doughy. So I went to Harmons and bought a beautiful white cake and raspberry filling cake. I had "Happy Birthday Jen and Will" written on top (since it was also my nephew's party too).

I was excited to spend the day with the family, all the kiddies and everything... I got in my car and headed to Draper. As I was getting in the car I realized I forgot my nephews card, so I put the cake on the car and ran inside... Mistake #1, the cake slid off the car and pow, hit the ground. Luckily it was in a plastic case and was still relatively okay. A little messed up, but it could be fixed. I shrugged if off, put it on the passenger's seat (Mistake #2), and off we went.

As I was driving, quickly as always, I hit a sudden red light, that I swear popped up out of no where and had to slam on the breaks, the cake wasn't wearing it's seatbelt. It was thrown violently to the floor, and luckily the case remained in tact, the cake slid all over.

I was happy to say that it was at least edible. I was having a bad day, but in a funny way, the cake mess cheered me right up. My family thought it was hilarious as Jen arrived with the cake as messy and disorganized as the girl that brought it.

Will and I just thought it was funny. We are cool Aries like that, nothing phases us. We tried to take pictures looking sad, but most of them turned out funny. We rule. Funny thing is I heard the cake was awesome, but I didn't eat any, I ate too many east Jelly Beans and ruined my appetite for cake. Happy birthday Jen and Will.

Being Older

I'm turning 29 on Sunday. I wasn't expecting it, but the birthday kind of freaks me out. It's my last year in my twenties. I'm okay with being older, but as I always tend to do, I start reflecting. Reflecting can be dangerous.

Overall I am jazzed about getting older. The older I get the more I feel like I relax in my own skin. Not to say I don't worry and fret about things, but I feel more confident that I'll figure shit out. And the things I fret about are usually big things rather than the 5 pounds that snuck on my butt or the bad haircut I impusively got. I've also proven to myself that I can be alone and not only be okay, but actually enjoy it. Enjoy it a lot! This is awesome. I crave more 'Adventures of Jen'. Bad haircuts and chubby butt and all.

Eat lots of peas.

I have had an awful cough the last week. It's a cold mutant that won't leave me alone. After 5 consecutive days with no sleep, I decided to do some serious battle last night.

I googled some herbal rememdies and went to target to buy supplies after work. I bought this adorable penguin humidifier. He blows out a nice cool mist, that I found quite soothing, and he's just fun to look at.

I drank a tea made of honey, lemon and sugar, which helped and made me nice and sleepy. Then i put a cold wet washcloth on my throat and covered it with a dry towel. This is said to create steam inside your body and clear your airways. It felt really good, but didn't completely stop my coughing. But the most effect and strange remedy I found last night... Vicks Vapor Rub on your feet. Yup, you lather the bottoms of your feet with Vicks, then put cotton socks on while you are laying down in bed. It was crazy how well this worked. I did wake up a few times last night with coughing spells, but I just put more Vicks on my feet and was able to stop coughing right away and fall right back to sleep. Crazy.

I have found that these natural remedies always work better for me and you don't have any stupid side effects. I tried chugging Nyquil for 2 nights and didn't get anywhere. I put Vicks on my feet and a towel on my neck and I get 8 hours of nearly uninterrupted sleep. I'm not saying I don't believe in modern medicine at all... I probably wouldn't trust herbal birth control pills.... but I do think we over medicate in our society.

Anywho, I'm off to make some peppermint tea and rub the tea bag on my chest after it steeps.

Randomness (I'm copying Colle, cause she's cool)

DSC_1536
Originally uploaded by JenJenSue

1. I am going on a vacation all by myself this weekend. A road trip to Bryce Canyon. I've never been and I've always wanted to go, so I'm going. I'm excited.

2. My cold that went away is now back. I'm mad at it.

3. The bathroom stall at work has a sign that reads "Please flush the toilet and clean up after yourself". Isn't that a given? Dirty co-workers.

4. I have a major thing for men with beards.

5. I love my dog. He's super.

6. I don't like my haircut.

7. I just figured out how to blog from flickr. Neato.

8. I like my life lots lately. I'm just super content. It feels wonderful.

9. I wish I was better at fashion. I kinda suck at it. Probably because I only shop the clearance racks.

10. I bought a new quilt from overstock.com. I saw it while I was working and I just had to have it. I don't need it.

11. I also recently bought a bike. I didn't drive my car once last weekend, and I went all kinds of places and ran errands and bought grocerys. It was neat. I like it.

That's all for now.

Workin on it...

So this weekend I forced myself to photograph stuff. I think just forcing yourself to find interesting things in an apartment helps force me to get creative. I spent the weekend at John's, where the sweet, sweet man made me cajun food and even did the dishes after while I "relaxed and geeked out". God, I'm one lucky lady. This guy's a keeper. Anyways...

While my man got down in the kitchen I explored his apartment. I got a few good shots of which I'm happy, but I realized that I worry too much about what other people think of them. Like if I'm not getting lots of comments on how cool they are, then they aren't cool. I need to shed myself of this. If I'm going to try to be creative, then I have to do it just for me and for the sake of creating beauty, even if I'm the only one that see's it. I found myself sort of dissapointed that I took pictures for a couple of hours and only had a few that were really cool. It's art, I think it's always that way. It's a lot of work and you can't make a masterpiece everytime.

But I'm going to keep pluggin away, and hope for that one gem in 100 so-so's and out of focus messes. God bless digital and it's allowance for days like that.

Happy New Year (even though it's almost February)

I thought I'd made some resolutions this year, but I don't think I really committed to them. I'm weird about goals. I think they are great, but I fear committing to them because I hate dissapointing myself. Sure, I want to lose weight. Who doesn't? Especially after my self indulgent holidays. I also want to work more on myself, get over some of my issues, blah, blah, blah...boring.

I decided to do more with photography (see picture, my Harvey makes a great subject). I love it, it strikes a cord with me somehow. I'm not all that great and have a hard time dragging my ass out to just take pictures, but when I do get that shot, the one that turned out really cool, it gives me a thrill. That, and I think all the equiptment and lenses are super neato. It's an expensive hobby, but spending money on myself is also extremely neato. I've already purchased 2 new lenses and a new flash (which are both due to arrive tomorrow, yay, yay! That's me jumpin up and down) which will help me get out there, as I'll be so excited to use my new goods.

I also started the new year with a fancy new haircut. I cut it all short again. I always feel more comfortable and at ease with short hair. I'm not sure why that it, but it just feels like I'm being truly me and not hiding under a big curly mane.

2009 also began with me being officially and happily divorced and dating a really wonderful man. Divorce issues still haunt me, and likely will for a while still. My ex is trying to be my friend, and I'm not sure how I feel about this. It usually leaves me with mixed feelings after a talk, if it's anything to do with us. We both see things so differently, and it messes with my progress.

I want to be more artistic and creative in my life all around. I bought a knitting book. I figured out how to get the yarn on the needle, but then got frustrated after that, John (that wondeful man referred to in previous paragraph) can knit. He's going to teach me. I also bought 2 blank canvases. I'm going to paint something on them. What? I'm not sure yet. Maybe a painting of a photo, or some sort of mixed medium or something. I'm not hugely artistic in that way, but I find it incredibly theraputic to create beauty.

I'm also going to love myself and try to take it easy on myself. I'm going to love myself like my little dog loves me. It doesn't matter what I've done, how I've acted, that little Harvey is still so excited to see me, to curl up on my lap and snuggle up. That's love. He's my guide.

I am really optimistic about 2009. So far so good. I have a job (and that's saying something in this economy), I have a fancy new President of my country that I feel very excited about, I have a wonderful man in my life that loves me just like I need to be loved, and I have a chance to be happy. That's what I'm planning on doing. That and losing 10 pounds.

Jen