Happy Holidays

I have a hard time sticking with the blogging. My apologies to the three of you that read my blogs :)

I am in a weirdly festive mood this holiday season. I think it has to do with a few factors. First off, I don't work retail anymore (insert Jen doing a funky happy white girl dance). Working retail during the holiday's ruins the holidays. You only get to see the absolute worst part of Christmas, the rampant commercialism and need to consume. Also, in my last 6 years of working retail, I worked in a FranklinCovey store. Translation = people only shop here when they are buying lame presents for people that they have no idea what to get. A pen, a picture frame coaster, a metal bookmark. These are not good gifts, these are nice ways of saying, "I don't know you that well, and I don't really care, but didn't want to seem like a dick." Honestly, the lack of time that I've spent in actual brick and mortar retail stores this holiday season just warms my soul.

Secondly life is calm finally. I've been through the ringer the last year and a couple o' months. Last Christmas was the 2nd worst Christmas of my life, having just filed divorce papers, living with my mom, and hating my job. Really, in comparison this Christmas just HAD to be better. I am living in a great little place, have my happy little mutt to snuggle with all the time, I'm working a job I actually enjoy and am even making a little more money, and the divorce is over, and finally all calmed down. Ahhhh.... sigh of relief.

Lastly I have finally learned to just let myself be happy. It sounds funny, but can be so damned hard sometimes. I tend to worry, to worry to the point of panic sometimes. I over think and talk myself into the worst case scenario all the time. The last couple of months, after banging my head on a few walls and dredging up some old ghosts, I have let go, and just learned to be happy where I am, to enjoy my success and let myself feel secure and loved for once. It's kinda nice, it's really nice!

So this year, to the annoyance of some I'm sure. I'm listening to Christmas music, trimming the tree, hanging the stockings, making popcorn garland for the tree, going to see the lights, watching as many heartwarming sappy holiday movies as I can fit in and enjoying myself. I think I've earned it. And, I'm doing all my shopping online. Poor retail workers, may god bless them.

Meet the Parents

So, my excited and nervousness of my last blog was all blown to pieces Friday night. I went home from work that day, and meticulously packed my bags. I had everything laid out just right, all the things I needed and wanted packed perfectly. When I get nervous, being prepared helps tremendously. I was so happy, I had my sexy new suitcase I had just bought and my sexy new clothes. My laptop with DVD's to watch on the plane, my iPod, my old iPod for John, my camera and my nicest lenses all packed and ready to go to NY. I was excited, ready and excited.

At 7:30pm John picked me up from my condo, I loaded my sexy suitcase and laptop backpack into his Jeep and we drove to Hoppers for dinner with my Nat and Nano. Dinner was great, the pizza was yummy and the beer was better. At the end of the night, around 9:30pm we finished dinner and John and I got into the jeep, ready to go pack his bags and get to bed early, as the cab was picking us up at 5:00am. As we shut the door to the jeep, we hear the sound of glass falling. I look in the back seat and the window is shattered and my carefully planned and packed luggage is gone! Gone, gone, gone! We had been robbed.

So there I stand, having lost everything I worked so hard to get ready just right. After filling out the police report, we found that WalMart was the only store open. I end up standing in the isle with the cosmetics and toiletries in tears, overwhelmed and not knowing what to do. Sweet John just hugs me and holds my hand as I try to clear my head enough to buy what I need to survive for a few nights in upstate NY until we can get to a shopping mall or something.

At 2:30am we finally get to his apartment, me and my small duffle bag filled with old clothes and WalMart makeup. I crash for 1.5 hours out of pure exhaustion while John packs his bags and then wake up and hop in the cab and get on that plane for NY.

All in all, it turned out just fine. The next morning I'd come to terms with the loss and was determined not to let those theives ruin my trip too. We found a JCPenny's by the second day, and another WalMart. I survived. I wore the same clothes many times, but I survived.

NY was gorgeous, the fall colors were out in full force, and the little country towns were so adorable, it almost hurt the eyes. John's family and friends were so kind, and so wonderful and just put me right at ease. It was a wonderful vacation all in all. I fell in love with that area of the country, and with all of the people I met. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be a NY'er myself.

I figured after suffering such a loss, I deserved some good news. And I was rewarded with such. When I got home, I had 2 job offers on the table! I ended up taking a position with Overstock.com as a Senior Account Manager for their Bed and Linens department. A job I'm really excited about. Things happen for a reason. I have lots of shopping ahead of me, and pray that my insurance comes through with a healthy reimbursement check. I have a good new job, memories of a wonderful vacation, and a stronger bond with a man I continue to fall head over heels for again and again.

Excited and Nervous...

So tomorrow morning at 6:40 am I fly to Albany, NY with John. I am pretty nervous about the whole excursion, but excited to see someplace new, and his Mom said she'd have string cheese at the house, so that helps. I actually ended up taking the day off work so that I could get ready. I waxed my eyebrows, got talked into a "gloss" on my hair, bought some new clothes and little plastic bottles to fly with. I know, I shouldn't stress out about it, but I'm the first girl he's brought home since moving to the "behave" state, so I'll be a little bit on display. You always want to go into these things with symetrical eyebrows.

Apparently John's best friend from college, Fin, is picking us up at the airport, straight from attending a Bat-Mitzvah in New Jeresy. Then we are staying at his house, with him, his girl, his sister, and her husband. It will be me, John, and 4 NY Jews. I've never been to NY, and I've never met a real Jew before. They said they will have beer and vodka on hand, and I have already packed my drinkin' hat. Hopefully vodka will transcend religious differences, I think I'll get started on the plane just to be sure.

Sunday night is the big extended family party. I think John's more nervous about this one than I am. Extended families are usually slightly embarrassing. I know I have a few of those relatives that I like to hope I'm not really that closely related too. He's nervous, but he hasn't met my uncle Monty, or my Aunt Lori, who apparently didn't bring the salad to the last get together because she was in the slammer for drug distribution. Yeah, we all have those families.

Overall, I'm really excited. It should be a beautiful time to see upstate NY. I get to have another bunch of new firsts: First meeting of the boyfriends family, first time in this little town, first time hanging out with Jews, first time shooting guns...oh my.

Eight

I was tagged by Nicolle...so I guess I've gotta!

8 Things I am Passionate About:

1. Being an Aunt
2. Being true to myself
3. Doggies
4. Online Surveys
5. Friends
6. Family
7. Enjoying your time on earth
8. New experiences


8 Words or Phrases I Say Often:

1. Really?
2. Wow.
3. Mother fu*...
4. Dear Larwd
5. Sigh (not the word, but the sound)
6. Harvey Stop It!
7. Oh my Harvey...
8. Uh huh


8 Things I want to do before I Die:

1. Hike the Narrows
2. Go to London
3. Be a mother
4. Find a job I love
5. Backpack across Europe
6. Sew something
7. Finish this survey
8. Have really, really long hair


8 Things I Have Learned From my Past:

1. There's no such thing as a mistake, things happen for a reason
2. Things work out, they just do
3. Time works miracles
4. I'm stronger than I ever thought
5. Don't ever say, "things could be worse" that's tempting fate...
6. Learning to love yourself is vital
7. I am not responsible for other people's happiness
8. Other people are not responsible for my happiness



8 Places I Would Love to Go or See:

1. NYC
2. London
3. Yosemite
4. The Grand Canyon
5. Rome
6. The redwoods of Northern Cali.
7. Norway with my Sister Tam
8. Scotland


8 Things I Currently Need or Want:

1. New faucet's for my bathrooms
2. A new job
3. A vacation
4. Motivation to get up earlier and run
5. A stiff drink
6. A miracle
7. A nap
8. Someone to paint my bedroom green

101 Things About Jen

I've seen this on other people's blogs, and never thought I could come up with 101 things to say...but I was really bored today, and it helped kill some time...

1. I have been on this earth for 28 years, and this last year has been the hardest and the greatest year yet.
2. I have a weakness for cheese.
3. I ran a marathon, and was so happy I did it, it was a life goal, but I'll likely never do it again.
4. My job bores me to tears most days, but I’m ok with this.
5. Sept. 11th is my parents wedding anniversary.
6. When I was 4 years old I was hit by a motorcycle, and the guy who hit me gave me a stuffed bunny to apologize, I never liked that bunny.
7. I am filling this out to pass the time at work, since I have nothing to do, but typing makes me sound busy, I like typing.
8. My older brother and I used to be best friends, but marriage changes a lot of things.
9. I used to dream about being a princess.
10. In high school I was content to not be popular, and to not be made fun of (that I knew about).
11. I wish I would’ve applied myself more in college.
12. My secret dream job is to be an FBI agent.
13. I have a thing for those Highway Patrolmen on motorcycles at the parades in the summers, you know, the guys with the boots.
14. My first kiss was at 18.
15. My first marriage was at 21.
16. My first divorce was at 27.
17. I think as long as we have good intentions, things work out the way they should in life.
18. I once turned in papers to serve an LDS mission.
19. Zion’s National Park is my favorite place in the world, it feels like home.
20. Jr. Mints are very hard to turn down.
21. I love dogs, all dogs, but mostly my dog.
22. Being an Aunt is good for my soul.
23. I like red things, but only in the last year.
24. A lot has changed in the last year.
25. I need a lot of reassurance sometimes.
26. I secretly really love my curly hair.
27. I spend way too much time on myspace and facebook during my work days, I know this, but can't help it.
28. Some people describe me as a hippie or a nature girl, but I think it’s just because I worked at a health food store, and I don’t wear much makeup or ever really fix my hair.
29. My niece Annie can always make me happy.
30. It stinks in here, and I think I know why.
31. I really love my car, and I get excited when it’s clean and shiny.
32. Sometimes not buying something feels better than buying it.
33. My heart can get hurt very easily.
34. I secretly think I’m funny.
35. I wish I was more artistic, but I just don’t think I have that in me.
36. Fall is my absolute favorite season, and I wish it lasted longer.
37. Big giant thunderstorms when you’re safe in your home with nowhere to be, is the best thing ever.
38. Margarita pizza is hands down my favorite.
39. I have a couple of friends to whom I owe my sanity.
40. My mom is a perfect example of being happy with your life, no matter the situation.
41. Sleeping in makes me a happy kid.
42. Given the choice between brown and black, I will always choose brown.

43. My left pinky finger will not straighten all the way, but I still really like my hands.
44. On my 16th birthday, I danced with 5 boys at the stomp.
45. I’ve always wanted someone to throw me a giant surprise party.
46. Getting flowers at work is really sweet, especially when it’s out of the blue.
47. I get excited about getting older.
48. I’m cold right now.
49. I really like drinking tea.
50. Going new places is exciting.
51. Staying in hotels makes me feel fancy.
52. I have a real shy side.
53. I’m struggling to think of more things.
54. I always wished I played the guitar more when I was younger and not the piano.
55. But I love playing the piano.
56. My favorite car when I was 8 was a Pontiac.
57. It’s not anymore.
58. I’m a little nervous about the economy, but figure that everything will be okay in the end.
59. I cannot do a cart-wheel, but my nieces and nephews get a kick out of watching me try.
60. I wonder how many people will read this?
61. Right now, I really want to be on big red (my couch) with my boyfriend’s big sweatshirt on.
62. I have a boyfriend, and he makes me very, very happy.
63. I’m sad religion gets in the way so many times.
64. I wish I had a heritage I could identify with more.
65. I love peanuts in the shell, they remind me of my Dad.
66. Walking into Costco just makes me happy.
67. I would really like to be a mother one day.
68. I have to go to the bathroom.
69. I long for great adventures, but I also long to stay home and watch a movie.
70. The bar scene is incredibly over-rated.
71. I love creepy movies lately, I like being scared.
72. Having a dog is wonderful, but also sometimes a big pain.
73. Tonight I am going to make Pad Thai, and I hope it is yummy.
74. Pad Thai is best with tofu.
75. I don’t see myself living in Utah for the rest of my life.
76. Learning to pick your battles is a valuable lesson.
77. Letting go is hard to do, but feels amazing once you have.
78. I just sneezed.
79. You just know when you love someone, there's no wondering.
80. My older sister always has the best advice when I'm really stumped.
81. My father died when I was 20.
82. I like my name.
83. Doing things on your own feels damn good.
84. I get to go home in 2.5 hours.
85. I don’t think I look good wearing lipstick.
86. If I ever get married again, I want a small wedding and an open bar and live music.
87. I don’t identify with my zodiac sign.
88. I am a cuddler.
89. My mom’s Texas sheet cake is my favorite dessert.
90. Sleeping in a tent, all snuggled up, makes me really happy.
91. I don’t like to go to movies as much as I like watching them at home.
92. TV Series on DVD rule, and HBO makes the best TV.
93. I love having a “crew”.
94. Finding someone that loves your dorky side is the key to happiness in a relationship.
95. I am glad this survey is almost over, but wondering what I will do next.
96. Taking naps during the daytime is a luxury.
97. I don’t like flashy cars, houses, and clothes.
98. I get a huge kick out of yard sales and thrift stores and getting things cheap.
99. Warm people are better than pretty people.
100. I’m surprised I was able to finish this.
101. I prefer beer, jeans, and honky tonk to champange, evening gowns, and jazz.

Zero focus day.

I'm just having one of those days. One of those files keep piling up, emails keep coming in and I sit and eat my apple and drink my tea and listen to my music and day dream about going home and watching The Wire. I've been productive for me...I've applied for 3 other jobs today. I think it's back to retail for my little worker ass. I miss alot about it, I really do. I miss management and being in charge. I miss working on my feet all day, I miss working with people face to face. I miss my days being full of lots of different things. I miss not having a desk, or a cube, or an office chair. I miss these things. I also miss making more money, I miss that alot.

I'm really happy I'm leaving the FC after so many long years. It's time. They've been good, and taken care of me, somewhat, but it's time for something new. It's time for a change. I am excited to see where I can go in a new company. I'm nervous too...the FC is sort of like a low paying, unappreciative security blanket. But secure nonetheless.

Today I applied for a manager of a Select Comfort bed store, a See's Candies store, a admin assistant for a company I've never heard of, and thought about becoming a Draper city police officer. I think I'd look sexy in uniform, but then realized you have to be mean to people, and I'm no good at that.

Something will come along, luckily I'm secure until the end of February here, and always have severance and unemployment to fall back on. I really lucked out with the layoff situation. It could've been so much worse. Ok, I'm off to finish my apple, which is extremely yummy by the way, and get a few things done so I can go pick up my refill on the birth control from Costco before I go home. I love John dearly, but am no where near ready to be his baby Mama.

Peace.

Jen Updates...

In the last year I have made a lot of changes, good changes, damn good changes. Last night I saw my ex-husband for the first time in months. This Sunday would've been our 7 year wedding anniversary. I tell you what, that 7 year itch is real. Damn real. The meeting went well for the most part, no fighting (what's the point in that now?), it was a little uncomfortable at point, which is likely to be expected. But I walked away feeling so happy, without a single ounce of regret or "what if's" it was surprisingly theraputic. I'm the strong one now, I'm the one that knows what she wants and what she's working towards, I'm the one that's enjoying life and in control, it's an amazing feeling.

I do feel all in control now, I bought a condo, all on my own. I picked it out, along with Tony the super Realtor, and did it all on my own. That was big for me. I love my little house. Just mine and Harveys. I love living alone so much. Sure, having someone split that monthly payment with me would be great, but walking around in my underwear, even on days when I feel fat, is worth it to me.

I've made my own job decisions based solely on what feels right to me. I've trusted my gut and shit's working out. It always does. I'm truly a believer that if you are living right and following your heart, shit just works out. It's almost funny how that happens. Sometimes it appears to be crashing and burning around you, but usually, after the dust has settled, you see a reason. Dang, that's super optimistic of me. I guess I am tragically, an optimist.

I've also found me an excellent man. I fell flat on my face a couple times trying to figure out this dating stuff...but after a couple of hard knocks, I seem to be doing good. John's really so great for me. I'm happy there, and have learned, after some resistance, to let someone treat me good. To let someone worship me a little. I think I'm starting to like it.

So yes, I may be facing unemployment in a few months, and I may have packed on a couple of extra pounds lately, and I may make some stupid decisions still from time to time... But I'm out there doing it. I feel strong, and I feel really exciting for what the future may hold for me.

Day 2

So I'm at work again. Work is depressing right now, it's just the means to a paycheck really. I wonder if there really are people out there that enjoy their jobs? If so how do I become one of them?

I went running again this morning. And although I felt slow and tired, it still felt great. It's the 3rd morning I've gotten my butt out on the road this week. I'm proud of me. I used to be a total crazy runner girl, but ever since the marathon I've lost my passion for it. I think I burned out. I'm enjoying it again this time though. It's a great stress reliever and helps me deal with my crazy/depression monster that seems to haunt me lately. Honestly, I think running does more for my mental health than my physical well being. It's got to be outside though. This week has been stellar for outside, early morning running. It's all crisp and cool and brisk outside. Perfect running weather. I hate running in the heat, it just makes me ill, and it's really hard to get the motivation up when it's freezing cold, and your bed is oh, so warm and cozy. I'm a fan of warm and cozy.

My 2nd bedroom finally is fixed. The contractors finished it up on Tuesday. The ceiling fell through a week before I bought the place. So luckily the seller had to pay for the repairs. But it's been a mess for a good month or so. But it's finished. Yay! I'm thinking tonight I want to drag the TV stand, extra TV, love sack and Nintendo in there. Eventually I also want to add an exercise bike and/or treadmill and have it be a game/exercise room. I'm currently scounting KSL.com and Craigslist for used fitness equipment. I like a bargin. It will feel nice to have this room put together. My place will start to feel more homey.

I'm feeling like this blog is fairly random. I don't really have anything too exciting to report. I'm just trying to pass the last 3 hours at work faster. Today's been fairly brutal in it's speed. I feel like it should be Wednesday afternoon of next week, but alas, it's only 2:00 today. Poo.

Ok, off to browse the web for cheap used treasures. I'm thinking this Saturday might involve a garage sale or two...one of my favorite activities.

Peace Out.

I have 20 minutes...

So, I have 20 minutes until I get to go home for the day. I was checking my friends blogs, and decided, what the hell... I have a myspace and facebook that no one else looks at, might as well put a blog up too.

I think I tried one of these a while ago, but when I looked at my old blogs on there, they were all about me and my past life, and I decided a fresh start was appropriate. A fresh start...yeah, I've had plenty of those in recent days.

So here it is, the debut of the blog of Jen. My life's some what of a mess still, but it's my mess, my own mess, and I'm happy about that at least.

Life's a whirlwind anymore. I've learned so much about both myself and others over this last year. But I've met some fantastic people along my way, and am learning more and more to fall in love with me again. Which is the person I needed to love more than anyone else.

Today it started out as a rainy day. I love rainy days. There is something cozy and comfy about those gray days. Like the sky is a big blanket or something. It made me want to stay at home with my little doggie, under my big quilt and grab a good book or something. But alas, that mortgage begs to be paid every months, so go to work I must. :(

Work is a challenge lately. They are stretching us in everyway possible here, but me and my foolishly optimistic ways stick it out, hoping it will get better soon. And really I just stay for the fabulous vacation time they offer me. Working a job just so I don't have to be here as often? Yes, that's how I roll.

I'm soon headed to upstate NY for a vacation to meet the new boyfriend's family. Yikes, how did this happen? How did I go from just having a good time to flying across the country to meet his family? I don't know. I'm excited yes, a vacation to place I've never been, that is supposed to have excellent pizza, but then it also will be a week full of first introductions. I am such a shy girl sometimes, I hope I can overcome that and be charming and witty...I'll do my best!

Ok, just 10 more minutes...the last hour is the longest hour of the day. And heaven forbid I should actually do some real work...

All for now.