I thought I'd made some resolutions this year, but I don't think I really committed to them. I'm weird about goals. I think they are great, but I fear committing to them because I hate dissapointing myself. Sure, I want to lose weight. Who doesn't? Especially after my self indulgent holidays. I also want to work more on myself, get over some of my issues, blah, blah, blah...boring.
I decided to do more with photography (see picture, my Harvey makes a great subject). I love it, it strikes a cord with me somehow. I'm not all that great and have a hard time dragging my ass out to just take pictures, but when I do get that shot, the one that turned out really cool, it gives me a thrill. That, and I think all the equiptment and lenses are super neato. It's an expensive hobby, but spending money on myself is also extremely neato. I've already purchased 2 new lenses and a new flash (which are both due to arrive tomorrow, yay, yay! That's me jumpin up and down) which will help me get out there, as I'll be so excited to use my new goods.
I also started the new year with a fancy new haircut. I cut it all short again. I always feel more comfortable and at ease with short hair. I'm not sure why that it, but it just feels like I'm being truly me and not hiding under a big curly mane.
2009 also began with me being officially and happily divorced and dating a really wonderful man. Divorce issues still haunt me, and likely will for a while still. My ex is trying to be my friend, and I'm not sure how I feel about this. It usually leaves me with mixed feelings after a talk, if it's anything to do with us. We both see things so differently, and it messes with my progress.
I want to be more artistic and creative in my life all around. I bought a knitting book. I figured out how to get the yarn on the needle, but then got frustrated after that, John (that wondeful man referred to in previous paragraph) can knit. He's going to teach me. I also bought 2 blank canvases. I'm going to paint something on them. What? I'm not sure yet. Maybe a painting of a photo, or some sort of mixed medium or something. I'm not hugely artistic in that way, but I find it incredibly theraputic to create beauty.
I'm also going to love myself and try to take it easy on myself. I'm going to love myself like my little dog loves me. It doesn't matter what I've done, how I've acted, that little Harvey is still so excited to see me, to curl up on my lap and snuggle up. That's love. He's my guide.
I am really optimistic about 2009. So far so good. I have a job (and that's saying something in this economy), I have a fancy new President of my country that I feel very excited about, I have a wonderful man in my life that loves me just like I need to be loved, and I have a chance to be happy. That's what I'm planning on doing. That and losing 10 pounds.
Jen
